Moms are their kids first protectors. It’s natural to want to protect them from harm and see that they’re in good hands. However, if you deny your ex time with your kids or if you try to control their time with the kids without good reason, you may be a gatekeeper mom.
Now, a lot of moms don’t know that they’re gatekeepers. In fact, it can be pretty difficult to identify. This is because a mother’s protective instinct comes naturally and you may not necessarily know that you’re overdoing it. There are some pointers you can look out for though. They include the following:
You stop your kids from spending time with their father
Every time your ex calls for the kids, you always make up some excuse to keep him from seeing them. You refuse to give them the phone when he calls and even refuse to tell them that he called.
If your automatic response to every one of your ex’s requests to see the kids is NO, then you should look pretty deeply into yourself. You just might be a gatekeeper mom.
You feel the kids are better off with you than with him
This one’s pretty common with a lot of moms. You feel that you can better take care of the kids than your ex. And this is often because you didn’t really approve of their lifestyle or their new spouse, not because of any legitimate reasons but because you just don’t like them.
Kids are meant to have the benefit of both parents. Florida family law is heavy on ensuring that kids have the benefit of both parents’ attention. Even though you feel they are better off with you, they still need the love and care of their father.
You try to control the kid’s time with your ex
Even when you finally concede to allowing the kids spend some time with their father, you still rigorously police the interaction. You’re constantly checking the court orders to ensure that he doesn’t spend a minute more than the judgment entitles him to and you even cut the visits short on several occasions.
You tell your kids bad stuff about their father
If you’re always disparaging your ex in front of the kids, cussing him and telling the kids what a bad person he is, you are a gatekeeper mom.
The danger here is that your actions can result in parental alienation. Your kids begin to think bad about their father and this affects them deeply even if you don’t know. You may just be laying the groundwork for a future stew of psychological problems for your kids.
Stop being a gatekeeper mom
The dynamics between parents are extremely important to how a child grows up. It can be especially vital to how a child develops socially and mentally.
You can raise a beautiful, exceptional child all by yourself as a single mom. It is absolutely possible. But can you imagine how much farther the child would have gotten with both a mother and father contributing to their development?
Keeping your kids from their father benefits no one but you especially where the father is totally willing and capable of contributing to the kids’ lives. By refusing him, you would be doing your kids more harm than good and even find yourself on the wrong side of the law.